I conceptualize relationship counseling cases according to the therapeutic principles developed by Dr. Murray Bowen, who developed a natural family systems theory in the 1950's. Bowen Family Systems Theory offers a new way to think about the emotional functioning of human beings, all of us people who belong to multigenerational, self-perpetuating systems. From the perspective of this groundbreaking theory, the nuclear family rather than the individual is viewed as the emotional unit to be treated in psychotherapy. However, since change in one family member creates change in the others in this emotionally interdependent system, it is possible to do relationship counseling, family therapy, or couples counseling with only one person. If one person changes, it can shift the relationships among others in the same emotional system. Eight interlocking concepts are embedded in the basic ideas represented by this theory, including among others, the scale of differentiation of self, emotional cutoff, and the importance of past generations to the functioning of people in the present.
Dr. Bowen's ideas have proven to be extremely useful in the lives of individuals and families. Impressively, clients who have completed a course of therapy using this model have often reported that individual counseling and relationship counseling results are deep and long lasting. In addition to this form of relationship counseling being useful for individuals, couples and families, Bowen Family Systems offers organizations, businesses, and congregations a new way to think that moves members to higher productivity and calmer functioning. In fact, many organizations, whether in education, business, or religion, use consultants trained in Bowen's concepts to provide leadership training. To learn more about this form of counseling and therapy, visit Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.
I also practice psychotherapy from a resiliency or strength-based position. Together, we identify multigenerational patterns of strength in your family and build upon them in your own current relationships today. In addition, I work with clients in addressing their existential dilemmas in a direct manner. Human beings are the only species aware of their own impermanence. This means we have a responsibility to live a life of meaning and not waste the limited time we have here by behaving in ways that do not bring us and our loved ones peace and harmony.
I work with relationship issues of all kinds: heterosexual and homosexual, including couples, family dynamics, parenting issues, and work related issues. Most importantly, I work with the relationship clients have with themselves. Relationships are the source of most forms of anxiety. When we live poorly in them, we become susceptible to feelings that are sometimes overwhelmingly difficult to bear. Sometimes we try to dull the relationship pain by creating unhealthy relationships with other people, or even with possessions, work, drugs, or alcohol. These activities can become compulsive, and always serve to hide the pain for awhile. Thus, in the shortrun, this effort may be successful. But in the longrun, it is unusually costly to ourselves and our families. A goal in therapy is to reduce the anxiety in important relationships, and in so doing, a decrease in compulsive behaviors may follow. I am passionate about my work in marriage counseling and couples counseling. Relationship counseling is an effort that is collaborative and requires courage to look within oneself.
Many clients wonder what to expect in a counseling session. At times, I may just sit and listen, giving you an opportunity to vent in a safe place and then to make more thoughtful decisions based on what you have learned in previous sessions. At other times, I may actively engage you in the therapeutic process to make the concrete, permanent changes you aim to make in your life. Coaching people toward getting calm enough to think more clearly, teaching principles to enhance how people behave in difficult relational situations, and sending people home to work on applying these principles to their own families are important goals in my model of therapy. Humor is often present in my sessions, for I believe it provides a lightness of spirit, a needed perspective to the unhappiness that drives individuals, couples, and families to therapy. Whether you are interested in pursuing a course of couples counseling, individual counseling or marriage counseling, I am interested in talking to you about whether it makes sense to book an initial appointment with me. I look forward to a beginning conversation!